I still get sad when he leaves.
Not all the time, and not in a way that cripples me.
But I do dread that moment when he shifts in his seat, checks the time on his phone, and says,
“I think I’m going to get ready to head home.”
I’ll admit it.
My heart sinks a tad.
Yes, I know that it won’t be long before I see him again.
And I have that first hug/touch/smile to look forward to…
Seeing him walk/drive away isn’t always fun.
I think I’m dealing with the “see you later” becoming a possible “goodbye”.
Sure, that’s pretty pessimistic/paranoid, but it only takes losing someone once without warning to get you thinking about the moments you’re allowed to have with those you love.
There are times where I wish he’d come back for one more hug. One last look into my eyes to subliminally tell him that I thank God for him.
I’m not sure how it became the norm, but every time he drops me off at my house, he will wait until I get my key into the door, for it to open, and for me to turn to look at him sitting in his car…before he waves at me. And I’ll wave back.
He does that every time.
And that wave isn’t frantic like a “goodbye” (you know, how you see at the end of movies…), but it’s a subtle, unconscious “see you later”. Which is why that first hug/touch/smile is so electric to me. It’s like God gave us a gift in the form of a fulfilled “see you later”.
Because none of us knows if we will every see anyone later, right?