Pending Beginnings & Necessary Endings

I have many reasons to be deliberate these days. I’m noticing every step & making mental notes of how the ground feels underneath my soles. This time around, I don’t want to miss a single second of this transition.

Finishing graduate school in May.

Getting married two weeks afterwords.

New job(s) are also likely.

I also have to start getting used to living with a boy…

But as the days turn into nights, I feel more and more settled about the timing of it all. I know I am exactly where I need to be. Without a doubt. But there is one small set of details that I’m curious about…

I know that this upcoming season will open up many more opportunities for new relationships (professional and otherwise), but I can already feel that I will have to leave things/people behind. I know where I’m headed, but still…I am at a quintessential crossroads.

To clarify, I’m not planning on doing a complete 180 in my mannerisms, countenance, and attitude. I am completely open to adjust to this new heart that will share time and space with me. I know compromise is essential and humility is mandatory.

I am simply desperate to pinpoint what stays and what goes at this juncture.

A part of me is ready to turn away from everyone, to face only my future other half. But I know that we’ll need community/fellowship even more after May. Encouragement, accountability, and counsel doesn’t stop after you become a newlywed. Plus, my Beloved and I love people. Being with people. Serving his/my/our/the people. No days off, right?

Anyhow, I guess I’m waiting for God to show me who/what stays and goes. What entities of my life are no longer necessary for the new level. I know I’ll need room for the new things He’s going to bring into my life. And I don’t want my heart to be overcrowded when it comes time. Or worse yet…delay His move in my life because I’m too afraid to let go.

In my devotional this morning, I read:

“When the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, horror and great darkness fell upon him —Genesis 15:12

Before God actually gave Abram the promised heir, he had him face darkness. Uncertainty. And instead of Abram being silent and waiting on God, he tried to accomplish God’s will through his own means. You know the story…Sarah gave her maid Hagar to Abram, and she had Ishmael. Isaac was the promise, but Abram’s effort resulted in Ishmael.

I want God’s Isaac for me, pure and simple. So, no matter what I/others feel are a good fit for my life/future, I may need to wait…even in the darkness…for God to reveal His Isaac.


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