I’ve struggled over this post. Mainly because it is hard to piece together enough words to describe how much his presence has meant to me this year. I cannot discuss my time on bed rest without mentioning him. Sadly, the father is overlooked when it comes to childbearing; more like a necessary footnote for the story. However, I cannot imagine removing my husband from this season. Not only did he play an integral part in my little one’s conception, but he served as the steadiest person I had to hold on to. Even in his weakest moments, the times when he had every right to be afraid or angry, he instead chose to act as an anchor for me. I would have been very lost & my journey from fear to faith would have been much longer. God strengthened his hand to hold on to mine.
His commitment to me has made me fall in love with him in ways I didn’t think were possible.
I don’t think I needed him to prove anything to me or that I was afraid he wouldn’t be a good father. It’s just that I have been at my weakest, emotionally, physically, and mentally, and I was able to find strength in his heart.
There were moments where I have seen fear and hopelessness in his eyes. I have felt his desire to hide and deny what was happening to our family. But almost immediately I see him reject those natural reactions, and I am overwhelmed at his faith. He could have left me to fend for myself while confined to a sickbed. But instead, he adjusted our lives (temporarily), so that our world was the size of our bed. He sacrificed many of his tendencies & was careful not to make me feel left out.
When he comes home, he is grateful. Glad. He lays next to me ( in the spot where I’ve been all day), and turns that spot into a place of refuge. And it changes my whole perspective in that moment. Our couch/bed becomes our place of solace. Where we pray, laugh, vent, and share some of the most intimate moments that we’ve had in our lives together so far.
He would say that he’s just “doing what needs to be done”, but little does he realize how instrumental he is to the miracle that has formed out of our circumstances. When it’s time, our daughter will know that.