29: Take One

Edging closer and closer to 30 is nothing like the movies portray it to be. At least, not for me. Truthfully, I am thrilled, settled, and more at peace than I’ve ever been in my entire life. It’s difficult not to look at my life from the outside and gauge that my contentedness is based on what I have and who I have to come home to.

…that doesn’t quite explain it.

The 20s are meant to be significant; filled with triumphs and mistakes. You learn more about yourself than probably any other decade in life. There are definitely ways to screw up your 20s, but everyone seems to have an opinion on how to spend these 10 years. Some tell you to live it up because once The Terrible 30s come along, you’ll truly have to grow up, and others bombard you with conversations on marriage, 401ks, and establishing a career. This sort of pressure made me pray for 15, when no one seriously expected much from me.

Thankfully, I didn’t have an overambitious mother. Rather, I had a strong one, and patient to boot, who let me make up my own mind about my future. She treated me like I had the right questions when finding my path, not her. And she provided guidance when I needed it.

(I want to emphasize how much that propelled me into dreaming of my future. I can only hope that I’ll be able to provide that same gift to my own children.)

So, here I am. My plate has never been this full:

Wife.
Mommy.
Working full time in mental health.
In school full time, working on my Addictions certification.
Leader in my church/active in a monthly small group.
And I still go to movies on occasion.

It’s enough to make my head spin sometimes. Yet, I have peace. Not in the fact that I’ve earned where I am.
Quite the opposite. I do not deserve my life. If I felt I did, then I’d feel responsible in fighting to keep it…or drowned in fear of losing it.

But I’ve spent much of my teens and 20s battling fear. And I’ve beaten it these past few rounds.

And I’m encouraged because I’m not yet winded. There is so much better ahead, and my arms are finally, freely open to all that is coming.

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