I don’t want to get into the habit of speaking vaguely about what’s going on in life. I feel it’s in poor taste to flood my social media with my problems, but here…this is truly my domain. Plus, I’m working on finding the balance between full disclosure and full responsibility for my words. I want to be a speaker of life and not just a venter of life. On a more exciting, but related, note I’ve figured out the topic of my next book, and I will definitely need this balance. (Trust me. You’ll see.)
In the past 4 months, things have not only been confusing…but also disappointing.
— went from two working vehicles to no working vehicles
— went from sleeping normally to getting 1-3 hours a night (and not because of my kids)
— went from having an opportunity to fulfill a dream to teach on the collegiate level to not being able to
— seeing the possibility of only having to work 1 job, but now still needing to keep up with 2 jobs (technically 3)
— went from having a secure place to stay to being told we had to move in 2-3 months
— on the continual pursuit of my LPC credential to being stuck in residency because I cannot afford to register for/take the exam
— being convinced of the possibility to be homeowners, only to have that opportunity removed
I know these things aren’t as dire as sickness or homelessness, but these things all happened within the same 3 month span. My head is still spinning. I am absolutely fine most days, but then I have a brief relapse of disappointment, anger, and sadness. I trust that things will work out, because they always do and I have been in much worse circumstances.
But, this post is simply to explain that I am actively working on things beneath the surface. I laugh and encourage. Seek to be loving and inspirational. But this post is to explain that a lot of what I write comes from a place that does not have everything figured out. And many times I will write or post something encouraging because I am in need of convincing myself. I know there is life in words and I believe that I am just as much a recipient as anyone else.
I cry, curse, and doubt like anyone else.
And oh, this past season has had much of these things.
I don’t really have a silver lining today, only to ask that you, reader, will join me in the “continuing on” part. Continue on with me and make a decision today to not stay postured in the hard stuff.