Not to sound totally self-depreciating, but I am not an easy woman to be married to. Combine my usual contentment with being alone and a learned ability to emotionally detach when tired or vulnerable; you can say that the mental and psychological calisthenics needed to keep up cannot be overstated. We have been married 6 years and together (more or less) for 11 years. I can say with confidence that I have given him more than enough reasons to give up.
My husband is a good man, through and through. Even the spark of his temper only glows when provoked. And I will admit that I have not always been gracious, patient, or selfless. I have manipulated him, used him, and disrespected him.
On the flip side, I do remember times when he has left emotional scars. He has been selfish and thoughtless. I have cried more tears than were necessary because of him. He has not always been a good leader.
Here’s one thing that I have learned:
Superficially, Nick and I have a marriage that we have been told is enviable. Our well-shot candid photos and joint resume of community service places us in a certain light. And it isn’t that these things aren’t genuine. It’s just that they tell a small part of our story.
If I’m combating semantics, I would say that we do NOT have a solid marriage. We have struggled throughout most of it. Been on differing wavelengths at least part of the time. We’ve looped around the same arguments and reopened the same wounds in each other purposefully.
I wish I could say that we have prayed when we needed to. Consulted God together more often than not. But, after 6 years, I can simply say that we have a marriage that has been filled to the brim with Grace. I cannot stake it on any individual or joint effort made by either of us, only that God has carried us this entire time.
If one must face his/her’s total depravity prior to accepting Grace, then this is true for a relationship. Joining together with another person does not ultimately add to your piety. You need Grace even more now.
What about the Love?
Oh yes. That is there. Though this statement is overused, Nick is my best friend. Truly. We enjoy doing things together and have a bond that can exist outside of a romantic one. He makes me laugh everyday. He seeks out my input and cares about my opinion. We encourage one another’s dreams and will sacrifice for one another. I know that at the end of the day, Nick will support me.
So, this extremely vulnerable post is to describe a very real, growing, & determined bond between a tall country girl and a nerdy poet from Newark.
**Photo taken by the Lovely Meridith De Avila Khan. Check out more of her work (or better yet, BOOK HER) HERE !