Since I was an intern in graduate school, I have worked two jobs at a time. 8 years, with the occasional breaks to have my babies, I have allowed my professional life to eat into my evenings, weekends, holidays, and in between times where I was actually meant to be at home. I have been on-call, at my employers’ request. Signed work contracts with the words “available when crisis occurs”. There was a period when I gave so much to my work, that I was forced to ration what was left to anyone else that desired my time or attention.
And not only this, but I typically did not have anything left for myself.
Isn’t that sad? I could not even enjoy my own company because there wasn’t enough of me leftover. Only an growingly vibrant woman inside of an exhausted shell, struggling to learn balance. Too tired to play with my own children. Too depleted to attend to my husband. Too burned out to keep going.
What happens to a person who feels depleted? They momentarily check out of life. Enter the well-known but little recognized term: dissociation. It’s the brain’s defensive mechanism to stress. Quite literally, it is disconnection and an essential part of our most innate, primal survival systems. In more traumatic circumstances, dissociation can become chronic and thus, dangerous to the mind. In an effort to protect the body, the mind will go overboard, and the person will dissociate automatically. There can be identity confusion and amnesia.
Sabbath rest is not only a religious command, it is vital for balance. Acquiring a life that one does not need to “check out” from. If you feel the need to escape your actual body in order to cope with your life, there needs to be a change in the way that you are living. Whether it is learning to say “no” more often, reevaulating your passions to find your priorities, or making more time for yourself.
For me, it began a couple of months ago when I quit my weekend job after 5 years. From the outside, it looked like it was not the best time for me to decrease the amount of income I was bringing home to my growing family. But from my inward perspective, it was time.
My body, health, and soul was begging me to rest more.
My spirit motioned for me to trust God more with my family’s well being.
…it is not essential for me to work my bones brittle in order to help us have a good life.
…and life is more than what your two hands are set to accomplish. Life is being, partaking, and dwelling. I gathered that at some point, I would feel okay to stop and stand still long enough to dwell where I am. That it would be okay to face what surrounded me at at any moment that I choose to be truly present. I used to equate resting with being too vulnerable. I picture a baby lion cub asleep with its belly pointed up towards the sky; not noticing the predators that lurked nearest him.
How could I truly rest when dangers circled my resting place?
Psalm 23: 1-4
“The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
True rest comes when I remember who protects me. Who watches over my family and I. Who provides. Who defends me. So that I can Be, Partake, and Dwell.
For real, this time.
Be Still. {The Blog} 